Burnside McDonnough: i need to strike oil or somethin man
Zach Pennefold: Start whoring yourself on Saturdays
Burnside McDonnough: i wish i could
Burnside McDonnough: all i would get are district attorney's with fat fetishes
Burnside McDonnough: now, if i could collect the "ignored desperate housewife" market, then i would consider
Zach Pennefold: they're not as hot in real life
Zach Pennefold: This also gets back to your pool business dream
Burnside McDonnough: correct, but hot is not a requisite, per se
Burnside McDonnough: clean and smelling nice, under 200 lbs
Burnside McDonnough: we are talkin about gettin paid
Burnside McDonnough: not so much social conquests
Zach Pennefold: ah, right
Zach Pennefold: the difference between desirable
Zach Pennefold: and bearable
Burnside McDonnough: YES
Burnside McDonnough: maybe that is how i would charge
Burnside McDonnough: some per lb matrix
Burnside McDonnough: $100/hr service fee
Burnside McDonnough: an additonal $1 per lb between 150 and 175, $5 per lb between 176 and 185, $10 per lb up to 200 and call for rates for 200lb +
Zach Pennefold: "Let me consult my spreadsheet Ms....Smith? Yes. Now you're...what....180? 185? Right. So cross-referencing with 'scraggly headed'....we get....Ah. Here we go."
Burnside McDonnough: SCRAGGLY HEADED
Burnside McDonnough: is exactly what i was thinking
Zach Pennefold: well, she's a busy woman
Burnside McDonnough: a height cross reference as well
Burnside McDonnough: with smoker, non-smoker, pet owner, crazy level factor between 1 and 10
Burnside McDonnough: oh, and MANICURED, SHAVED, NOT SHAVED, NOT SHAVED ANYWHERE
Zach Pennefold: with an addendum for "MUFF"
Burnside McDonnough: MUFF!?!?!?!!?
Burnside McDonnough: wtf?
Zach Pennefold: It's from the 70's
Burnside McDonnough: mrs. newton? you are 166, 5 foot 2, you rate yourself a 5 on the crazy level which means you are a 7.3...okay..let me see...that will be $186 for the hour but you do get a 10% discount for manicured...you know, you can save an extra 10% if you go for clean shaven
Burnside McDonnough: oh...i am sorry..i misunderstood...well...that will actually be a 25% surcharge for MUFF
Zach Pennefold: "Oh. Perhaps I wasn't clear. If you want ME to take care of the 'clean shaven' FOR you, then there will be an additional service fee. $180. Yes. Oh, goodness. I didn't realize. That's an additional $75 for MUFF."
Burnside McDonnough: HORRIBLE WE ARE
Burnside McDonnough: fucked in the head
Zach Pennefold: totally
Zach Pennefold: I blame the media
