Muff

Burnside McDonnough: i need to strike oil or somethin man
Zach Pennefold: Start whoring yourself on Saturdays
Burnside McDonnough: i wish i could
Burnside McDonnough: all i would get are district attorney's with fat fetishes
Burnside McDonnough: now, if i could collect the "ignored desperate housewife" market, then i would consider
Zach Pennefold: they're not as hot in real life
Zach Pennefold: This also gets back to your pool business dream
Burnside McDonnough: correct, but hot is not a requisite, per se
Burnside McDonnough: clean and smelling nice, under 200 lbs
Burnside McDonnough: we are talkin about gettin paid
Burnside McDonnough: not so much social conquests
Zach Pennefold: ah, right
Zach Pennefold: the difference between desirable
Zach Pennefold: and bearable
Burnside McDonnough: YES
Burnside McDonnough: maybe that is how i would charge
Burnside McDonnough: some per lb matrix
Burnside McDonnough: $100/hr service fee
Burnside McDonnough: an additonal $1 per lb between 150 and 175, $5 per lb between 176 and 185, $10 per lb up to 200 and call for rates for 200lb +
Zach Pennefold: "Let me consult my spreadsheet Ms....Smith? Yes. Now you're...what....180? 185? Right. So cross-referencing with 'scraggly headed'....we get....Ah. Here we go."
Burnside McDonnough: SCRAGGLY HEADED
Burnside McDonnough: is exactly what i was thinking
Zach Pennefold: well, she's a busy woman
Burnside McDonnough: a height cross reference as well
Burnside McDonnough: with smoker, non-smoker, pet owner, crazy level factor between 1 and 10
Burnside McDonnough: oh, and MANICURED, SHAVED, NOT SHAVED, NOT SHAVED ANYWHERE
Zach Pennefold: with an addendum for "MUFF"
Burnside McDonnough: MUFF!?!?!?!!?
Burnside McDonnough: wtf?
Zach Pennefold: It's from the 70's
Burnside McDonnough: mrs. newton? you are 166, 5 foot 2, you rate yourself a 5 on the crazy level which means you are a 7.3...okay..let me see...that will be $186 for the hour but you do get a 10% discount for manicured...you know, you can save an extra 10% if you go for clean shaven
Burnside McDonnough: oh...i am sorry..i misunderstood...well...that will actually be a 25% surcharge for MUFF
Zach Pennefold: "Oh. Perhaps I wasn't clear. If you want ME to take care of the 'clean shaven' FOR you, then there will be an additional service fee. $180. Yes. Oh, goodness. I didn't realize. That's an additional $75 for MUFF."
Burnside McDonnough: HORRIBLE WE ARE
Burnside McDonnough: fucked in the head
Zach Pennefold: totally
Zach Pennefold: I blame the media

Ability to speak whale

Burnside McDonnough: Halifax is still looking for a marketing director
Burnside McDonnough: Something has to be wrong over there
Zach Pennefold: Daytona is sinking into the Atlantic
Zach Pennefold: That would be awesome, if you went to interview and there was four inches of standing sea water in the conference room.
Burnside McDonnough: "Excuse, what is that wa..."
Burnside McDonnough: "Oh, that's nothing...we are putting in an aquarium"
Zach Pennefold: They guy's all, "Sorry about the mess. We've got a new bilge pump on back order. Coffee? Soda?"
Burnside McDonnough: "We are very excited about it; Sea World is gonna loan us some star fish"
Zach Pennefold: "Do you enjoy fish, Mr. McDonnough?"
Zach Pennefold: "Because really, that's our first requirement for the job. Must love fish."
Zach Pennefold: We should write up these job descriptions and requirements.
Burnside McDonnough: Seeking marketing director with background in hospital services...scuba diving and dolphin training optional
Zach Pennefold: --5 years marketing and PR experience, preferrably in the healthcare or marine supply industries
--Advanced SCUBA Diver certification
--Must love fish
Burnside McDonnough: Fascination with sea creatures desired, ability to speak whale preferred.
Burnside McDonnough: Mr. McDonnough, it says here you are fluent in whale...could you briefly demonstrate?
Burnside McDonnough: Sure, Mr. Smith....wwrrrrraaaahhhhhhnnneerrrrrrrrrrrrr
Zach Pennefold: "Uh...yes. baaaaaooooooooohhhhhhhhhh. BAAAAAAaaaaaaooooohhhhh...."
Burnside McDonnough: WWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAARRRRRPHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Burnside McDonnough: Frrpppp frppppp geershhh nnnnnnneeeeeeeee
Zach Pennefold: "That's excellent, Mr. McDonnough. But we were looking for something more in the Gray or Sperm family. I agree you've got Blue down. Very impressive."
Zach Pennefold: "Oh. I uh...I can do Gray. My mother spoke Gray. Hold on...."
Burnside McDonnough: Oh, you would like gray...well, HHHHHEEEEEEEEERRRPPPPPPPP app app
Zach Pennefold: ch-ch-ch-ch-seeeeeeeeeeeeeee-uuuuuuuhhhhhh
Zach Pennefold: Damn. I gotta go to a meeting.
Burnside McDonnough: Walk in and start off with whale.
Zach Pennefold: "Hi. RRRRrrrrrroooooooooooooooorrrrmmmmmmmmaaaaah. Shall we get started?"

System of State: constitutional hereditary monarchy on a democratic and parliamentary basis

Zach Pennfold: Switzerland accidentally invaded Lichtenstein
Burnside McDonnough: ?
Zach Pennfold: they said they were sorry, though
Zach Pennfold: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070302/ap_on_fe_st/mistaken_invasion
Burnside McDonnough: how do you mistakenly invade
Burnside McDonnough: and switzerland has an army?
Zach Pennfold: they're not well trained
Burnside McDonnough: dude, we could invade Lichtenstein
Burnside McDonnough: 34,000 people and no army
Burnside McDonnough: with my swiss army knife and night vision goggles
Zach Pennfold: that would rock so hard
Burnside McDonnough: AP Report: Burnside McDonnough and Zach Pennefold have successfully invaded Lichtenstein!
Burnside McDonnough: McDonnough said, "it was relatively easy, with my swiss army knife and these here night vision...well, novelty pink floyd sunglasses really...Zach and I marched across the border and broke into the capital building.'
Zach Pennfold: Co-King Pennefold said, "It was weird. We just walked in. People looked at us, sure, but Burnside brought his Swiss Army knife, so no one gave us any sh_t."
Burnside McDonnough: "when the interior ministry dude showed up to work the next day, we sent him out for coffee and donuts...things have been pretty smooth since"
Zach Pennfold: "Any problems? I guess a lack of interns, but we're working on that."
Burnside McDonnough: "the idea? to invade? well, Zach and I were wasting a friday at work when we came across that whole switzerland thing and...well...whammo...i mean, come on, Lichtenstein?....anyway, we're here and i am thinking of revoking sausage fridays as my first act as primary governor supreme"
Burnside McDonnough: "wives? kids? oh no, we are not married....someone on the phone saying she is my wife?....wow, crazy groupies already"
Zach Pennfold: "Someone hears 'King' in front of your name, and they just come out of the woodwork."
Zach Pennfold: "I bet she says there are kids, too...yeah, yeah. I thought so."
Burnside McDonnough: "okay...okay...we need to call off the press conference for our first annual Liechtenstein freedom wet t-shirt sausage swallowing fest"
Zach Pennfold: "Lichtenstein's freedom wet t-shirt sausage swallowing fest?" fuck ALL man
Zach Pennfold: that's the best fest title ever

Websense is a little annoying

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Food porn

3:00 pm
Zach Pennefold: I am eating some cucumber slices and pieces of red pepper I brought from home
Zach Pennefold: but i wish it was tukey, mashed potatoes and gravy
Burnside McDonnough: i just vomited in my mouth
Zach Pennefold: "I got to re-enjoy some mac and cheese from earlier, and I think maybe a hint of the garlic chicken I had last night"
Burnside McDonnough: that is nice
Burnside McDonnough: second day mac and cheese is a better mac and cheese, on many occasions
Zach Pennefold: true
Zach Pennefold: man, there's a place here called MT's Chophouse--it's a steak place, and they have mac and cheese with truffle oil on it that is awesome
Burnside McDonnough: wow
Burnside McDonnough: a little over board, no?
Zach Pennefold: not sure, actually. it's really, really good
Burnside McDonnough: and you are paintin a real purty picture
Zach Pennefold: couple that with a nice steak and some wild mushrooms
Burnside McDonnough: couple bottles of some heavy reds
Zach Pennefold: exactly
Burnside McDonnough: a steak au poire
Burnside McDonnough: puaior
Burnside McDonnough: puaire
Zach Pennefold: what's that
Burnside McDonnough: typically, steak encrusted in peppercorns and pan seared before grilling
Zach Pennefold: awesome
Burnside McDonnough: served with a red wine, peppercorn sauce
Burnside McDonnough: and a hearty red zin or shiraz just fucking brings it all together
Burnside McDonnough: some wild mushrooms sauteed in olive oil and grilled garlic
Zach Pennefold: we should not talk about food at work
Zach Pennefold: I am starving and have nothing to look forward to now
Zach Pennefold: I'll finish up my reuben from lunch, I suppose
Burnside McDonnough: the mac and cheese with truffle oil, topped off with oregano breadcrumbs
Zach Pennefold: oh, man. the breadcrumbs are an excellent touch. Almost like a dutch crumble topping
Burnside McDonnough: yes
Burnside McDonnough: almost
Zach Pennefold: except not sweet and made with lard and flour
Zach Pennefold: but nice and browned there on the top
Burnside McDonnough: yepper
Burnside McDonnough: accompanied of course, by an italian bread some sort
Burnside McDonnough: hard crust
Burnside McDonnough: round and half oval, like a breast
Burnside McDonnough: with extra virgin olive oil, pepper and fresh romano cheese shavings in individual bread soppin plates
Burnside McDonnough: damn. we skipped the appetizers
Zach Pennefold: We should open a business where we describe these things to food perverts

Just the fax

Burnside McDonnough: You never seen Barry like this
Burnside McDonnough: Boiled Alaska
Zach Pennefold: where do you find these links?
Burnside McDonnough: places that make me seem special
Burnside McDonnough: the boilong water one is fascinating
Zach Pennefold: well, keep it up.
Burnside McDonnough: and, similar to the burning bees
Zach Pennefold: Yeah. the Golumn/BarryWhite is very cool
Burnside McDonnough: it is what the internet is all about
Zach Pennefold: absolutely
Burnside McDonnough: i could not imagine working in an office environment 12 years ago
Burnside McDonnough: what did people do to waste time?
Zach Pennefold: they sent funny faxes
Zach Pennefold: You could subscribe to fax blasts like "just the fax" which was like a joke of the day or something
Burnside McDonnough: damnit, you are knowledgable...and old

If we won the lottery

Burnside McDonnough: when one of us wins the lottery, we will create Zonnough Bennefold
Burnside McDonnough: where we will not actually have any clients
Burnside McDonnough: but we will have an office
Burnside McDonnough: with interns for staff
Zach Pennefold: Vaccuum suck
Zach Pennefold: god that would be awesome
Zach Pennefold: we could invite friends in for meetings, which would really be us sitting around having beers and lunch
Zach Pennefold: my comments are unrelated to the youtube video I sent you, which is about an alarm service in japan
Burnside McDonnough: i will watch in a sec, i am listening to stern where some porn chick is puking on someone, i have never heard anything so vile
Zach Pennefold: winner
Burnside McDonnough: :-)
Burnside McDonnough: it was making other people gag
Burnside McDonnough: and then some dude came in and puked on him too
Zach Pennefold: is he a vomit turns him on guy?
Zach Pennefold: and the dude who did the vomiting--the vomiter, as it were. Is he turned on by it, too?
Burnside McDonnough: no, he the vomiter was a staff memeber
Burnside McDonnough: the vomitee enjoys it, yes, immensely
Zach Pennefold: white dudes are fucked up
Burnside McDonnough: we have too much time on our hands