Burnside McDonnough: i wish i had enough money to pay for high end whore
Zach Pennefold: How much money is that? I mean, not just a one-time deal, but how much money do you need--what kind of salary do you have to have to make a high-end whore something you'd consider?
Burnside McDonnough: CEO money
Burnside McDonnough: at a place where you have multiple accounts
Burnside McDonnough: investment and whatnot
Burnside McDonnough: so wife isn't all up in your shit
Zach Pennefold: If you've got CEO salary, it seems like your wife might give you a pass
Burnside McDonnough: yeah, conveniently unaware
Burnside McDonnough: you have to keep up appearances
Burnside McDonnough: some semblance of decorum
Zach Pennefold: right. so she knows, but it's not discussed
Zach Pennefold: My high-end whore would have to be a good story teller
Burnside McDonnough: mine would have to know how to bake
Zach Pennefold: Do you have time for that sort of thing, when contracting a high-end call girl?
Burnside McDonnough: sure
Burnside McDonnough: again, your entire world fosters it
Burnside McDonnough: for example, i am sure i am in a position where i must travel on business a lot
Zach Pennefold: So this isn't Burnside McDonnough with added money. This is CEO McDonnough with all the commensurate travel, salary, duties, obligations,etc.
Burnside McDonnough: would have to be, where did the money come from?
Zach Pennefold: So really you're not wishing for enough money to afford a high-end hooker. You're asking for a different life
Burnside McDonnough: no no no
Burnside McDonnough: in order to have the high end hooker, you would need the resulting lifestyle
Burnside McDonnough: for example, current Burnside + money...where nothing changes but the money, could not have a whore
Burnside McDonnough: no time
Burnside McDonnough: no justification of time
Burnside McDonnough: but, if i had that type of money, i wouldn't be working here
Burnside McDonnough: also, if more money...then whore may not be needed, could be mistress
Burnside McDonnough: a kept woman
Zach Pennefold: We should turn this into a game, like Dungeons and Dragons, except you don't have to wear amor and there are no elves.
Burnside McDonnough: hmmm
Burnside McDonnough: mid-life crisis white man's world?
Zach Pennefold: YES!
Zach Pennefold: Like, I'm a 7th level music producer with some legit street cred. My special power is Invite, where I can at any time be invited to a hip-hop star's party.
Burnside McDonnough: damnit that was good
Burnside McDonnough: so, are their levels of music producer?
Zach Pennefold: I would imagine. Though with Mid-Life Crisis White Man's World, even first level characters would be cool
Burnside McDonnough: 1st level music producer is 7-11 night shift worker who lives at home in the basement with his turntables
Zach Pennefold: Maybe, but his girlfriend's a HOT club kid with some kind of sexy addiction
Zach Pennefold: Heroin, probably. Or GBH or something
Burnside McDonnough: and she can sing
Burnside McDonnough: kinda
Burnside McDonnough: but leaves him for a level 3 MP
Zach Pennefold: you are crushing the dream, my friend.
Zach Pennefold: Though I would imagine that would motivate the character to go on his first quest and begin making his way to second level
Burnside McDonnough: exactly
Burnside McDonnough: failure before the success
Burnside McDonnough: some task he has to complete to move to level 2
Burnside McDonnough: if successful, he reaches level 7 where he gets into a private club pary where he former skank is waiting in line
Burnside McDonnough: REDEMPTION POINTS 172
Zach Pennefold: Redemption Points. That's awesome.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Spicing things up
Zach Pennefold: We need to find a new person to bring into the mix, one who has real whore experience and neurosis that rival mine. Maybe an obsessive-compulsive who worked his (her?) way through UNLV as a card dealer or waiter.
Zach Pennefold: Bar tender at the Bunny Ranch (or whatever it's called)
Burnside McDonnough: did you copy this from somewhere?
Zach Pennefold: I didn't
Zach Pennefold: I was just thinking of characteristics that go beyond what you and I already bring to the table
Burnside McDonnough: well, that could be quite the list
Zach Pennefold: we'll start small. An OCD pimp with some kind of addiction (probably pain killers) and a striking fear of small spaces
Burnside McDonnough: is this what it is like when old married couples start to entertain the idea of "spicing up" their sex life?
Zach Pennefold: Bar tender at the Bunny Ranch (or whatever it's called)
Burnside McDonnough: did you copy this from somewhere?
Zach Pennefold: I didn't
Zach Pennefold: I was just thinking of characteristics that go beyond what you and I already bring to the table
Burnside McDonnough: well, that could be quite the list
Zach Pennefold: we'll start small. An OCD pimp with some kind of addiction (probably pain killers) and a striking fear of small spaces
Burnside McDonnough: is this what it is like when old married couples start to entertain the idea of "spicing up" their sex life?
Friday, June 13, 2008
It's just the two of us
Burnside McDonnough: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25123015/
Zach Pennefold: I bet that tree ends up killing a thousand people
Burnside McDonnough: like some alien plot
Zach Pennefold: exactly
Burnside McDonnough: so, it was meant to go extinct?
Zach Pennefold: the world's just different now
Zach Pennefold: what if its pollen is deadly?
Zach Pennefold: to us, now
Burnside McDonnough: the entire thing fascinates me
Burnside McDonnough: SCIFI NOVEL POTENTIAL:
Burnside McDonnough: struggling earth
Burnside McDonnough: people seeking vegetation, food, whatever
Burnside McDonnough: come across what seems to be an ancient store of seeds
Zach Pennefold: right
Burnside McDonnough: when they plant the seeds they find
Burnside McDonnough: they unleash death
Zach Pennefold: nice
Burnside McDonnough: of course the details can be worked out, but basic gist
Zach Pennefold: so the 'cure' is worse than the 'disease'
Burnside McDonnough: YES
Burnside McDonnough: supposed cure
Burnside McDonnough: to learn later
Burnside McDonnough: that what put humanity in the position they find themselves is the very reason for vaulting these plants/seeds
Burnside McDonnough: they didn't come across a storage...they cam across a quarantine or research facility
Zach Pennefold: that's a good idea
Burnside McDonnough: to combat what has been plaguing the globe
Burnside McDonnough: would be if they extended i am legend
Burnside McDonnough: to where, years after the cure...the same virus was released to help...and start the cycle over again
Burnside McDonnough: which
Burnside McDonnough: WHICH
Burnside McDonnough: puts humanity on a continual cycle of almost extinction
Burnside McDonnough: to almost flourishing again
Burnside McDonnough: only to "repeat" the mistake, if you can call it that
Zach Pennefold: right, right
Burnside McDonnough: if you can equate the mistake to a definable human trait or need...an innate failing of man...then my friend, you have a classic
Burnside McDonnough: doomed to repeat cause we never learn...for whatever reason
Zach Pennefold: That's totally a classic plot motif
Zach Pennefold: and could be successful
Burnside McDonnough: exactly
Burnside McDonnough: but the strength is in the work to unveal the failing
Zach Pennefold: but let's remember, here, that it's just the two of us. Can we just get to the part where we bemoan another good idea that will never come to fruition? I've got some stuff to do.
Zach Pennefold: I bet that tree ends up killing a thousand people
Burnside McDonnough: like some alien plot
Zach Pennefold: exactly
Burnside McDonnough: so, it was meant to go extinct?
Zach Pennefold: the world's just different now
Zach Pennefold: what if its pollen is deadly?
Zach Pennefold: to us, now
Burnside McDonnough: the entire thing fascinates me
Burnside McDonnough: SCIFI NOVEL POTENTIAL:
Burnside McDonnough: struggling earth
Burnside McDonnough: people seeking vegetation, food, whatever
Burnside McDonnough: come across what seems to be an ancient store of seeds
Zach Pennefold: right
Burnside McDonnough: when they plant the seeds they find
Burnside McDonnough: they unleash death
Zach Pennefold: nice
Burnside McDonnough: of course the details can be worked out, but basic gist
Zach Pennefold: so the 'cure' is worse than the 'disease'
Burnside McDonnough: YES
Burnside McDonnough: supposed cure
Burnside McDonnough: to learn later
Burnside McDonnough: that what put humanity in the position they find themselves is the very reason for vaulting these plants/seeds
Burnside McDonnough: they didn't come across a storage...they cam across a quarantine or research facility
Zach Pennefold: that's a good idea
Burnside McDonnough: to combat what has been plaguing the globe
Burnside McDonnough: would be if they extended i am legend
Burnside McDonnough: to where, years after the cure...the same virus was released to help...and start the cycle over again
Burnside McDonnough: which
Burnside McDonnough: WHICH
Burnside McDonnough: puts humanity on a continual cycle of almost extinction
Burnside McDonnough: to almost flourishing again
Burnside McDonnough: only to "repeat" the mistake, if you can call it that
Zach Pennefold: right, right
Burnside McDonnough: if you can equate the mistake to a definable human trait or need...an innate failing of man...then my friend, you have a classic
Burnside McDonnough: doomed to repeat cause we never learn...for whatever reason
Zach Pennefold: That's totally a classic plot motif
Zach Pennefold: and could be successful
Burnside McDonnough: exactly
Burnside McDonnough: but the strength is in the work to unveal the failing
Zach Pennefold: but let's remember, here, that it's just the two of us. Can we just get to the part where we bemoan another good idea that will never come to fruition? I've got some stuff to do.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
There's been an accident
Zach Pennefold: I can no longer watch horrible fall videos, like skateboard or bicycle accidents.
Burnside McDonnough: why so?
Zach Pennefold: they make me hurt inside too much
Burnside McDonnough: so scrotum kick fetish vids are out as well?
Zach Pennefold: I think those might be ok because the people in them know what they're getting into
Zach Pennefold: whereas the kid on the dirtbike who tries to do a backflip and ends up tearing his sphincter muscle out like some kind of meaty o-ring? That's going to disturb me
Burnside McDonnough: dude?
Burnside McDonnough: come on man
Burnside McDonnough: that was unnecessary
Zach Pennefold: seriously, though. They had a show on MTV called "Scarred" or something like that. The whole thing was filled with people who had been video taped having horrible accidents on skateboards, etc. and then telling their stories
Burnside McDonnough: i cannot watch those
Zach Pennefold: ME NEITHER!
Zach Pennefold: one dude ripped his scrotum open on a rusty stair rail
Burnside McDonnough: brb
Burnside McDonnough: i have to go puke
Burnside McDonnough: why so?
Zach Pennefold: they make me hurt inside too much
Burnside McDonnough: so scrotum kick fetish vids are out as well?
Zach Pennefold: I think those might be ok because the people in them know what they're getting into
Zach Pennefold: whereas the kid on the dirtbike who tries to do a backflip and ends up tearing his sphincter muscle out like some kind of meaty o-ring? That's going to disturb me
Burnside McDonnough: dude?
Burnside McDonnough: come on man
Burnside McDonnough: that was unnecessary
Zach Pennefold: seriously, though. They had a show on MTV called "Scarred" or something like that. The whole thing was filled with people who had been video taped having horrible accidents on skateboards, etc. and then telling their stories
Burnside McDonnough: i cannot watch those
Zach Pennefold: ME NEITHER!
Zach Pennefold: one dude ripped his scrotum open on a rusty stair rail
Burnside McDonnough: brb
Burnside McDonnough: i have to go puke
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Employee Appreciation Fund
Zach Pennefold: Meeting at Cracker Barrel this morning
Burnside McDonnough: sweet
Zach Pennefold: it was awesome. I'm sick now, of course,
Burnside McDonnough: of course, but still, your company does cool things
Zach Pennefold: from time to time. My boss paid for it,which is rare.
Burnside McDonnough: probably gettin reimbursed
Zach Pennefold: yeah, he is. But it's rare anyway
Burnside McDonnough: i would think there is some sort of morale fund
Burnside McDonnough: at one company i worked for, those things were included...which pissed me off cause my boss always made it sound like she picked up the tab
Burnside McDonnough: employee appreciation fund i think it was called
Burnside McDonnough: $40 per employee for the year
Zach Pennefold: see, that's cool
Burnside McDonnough: she was always cheap with it
Burnside McDonnough: cause she wanted to be a good employee and keep the expenses low
Zach Pennefold: right. and witholding $40 a year is going to do that
Burnside McDonnough: she would spend too, for herself when traveling
Burnside McDonnough: but fuck if she didn't pour over our expense reports and question us on why we spent so much for dinner
Burnside McDonnough: the first time i traveled with her
Burnside McDonnough: we went to some streakhouse
Burnside McDonnough: $160 before tip for the two of us
Burnside McDonnough: it was weird
Burnside McDonnough: like some kinda date
Burnside McDonnough: and she acted all surprised
Burnside McDonnough: the fuckin martini(s) she was drinking was $11 per
Burnside McDonnough: i at least picked a nice red by the glass for $8
Burnside McDonnough: anyway, she did it again, the very next night
Burnside McDonnough: in the hotel restaruant
Burnside McDonnough: in the RITZ CARLTON
Burnside McDonnough: we stayed there cause we got like half off
Burnside McDonnough: that was, btw, one of the best meals ever
Burnside McDonnough: i forgot the name, but it was a phenomenal shiraz
Burnside McDonnough: with a bone in ribeye au poire
Burnside McDonnough: and this mashed potato creation, which inlcluded sour cream somehow injected
Burnside McDonnough: oh man
Burnside McDonnough: and the creamed spinach au gratin
Burnside McDonnough: oh man
Burnside McDonnough: OH MAN
Burnside McDonnough: i am hungry
Zach Pennefold: you're dying, aren't you
Burnside McDonnough: yes
Zach Pennefold: you can taste it again
Burnside McDonnough: mouth watering
Burnside McDonnough: YES
Burnside McDonnough: I CAN
Burnside McDonnough: the ribeye just melted
Burnside McDonnough: i mean, i cut it with my FORK
Burnside McDonnough: for desert
Burnside McDonnough: a very nice seasonal berries over HOMEMADE vanilla ice cream and topped with grand marnier
Burnside McDonnough: accompanied by a cappucino with a snicker of bailey's added
Burnside McDonnough: i love that desert, several restaurants do it
Burnside McDonnough: for starter was an onion soup
Burnside McDonnough: with a wedge of cheese
Zach Pennefold: Are you masturbating?
Zach Pennefold: because that would be weird
Burnside McDonnough: sweet
Zach Pennefold: it was awesome. I'm sick now, of course,
Burnside McDonnough: of course, but still, your company does cool things
Zach Pennefold: from time to time. My boss paid for it,which is rare.
Burnside McDonnough: probably gettin reimbursed
Zach Pennefold: yeah, he is. But it's rare anyway
Burnside McDonnough: i would think there is some sort of morale fund
Burnside McDonnough: at one company i worked for, those things were included...which pissed me off cause my boss always made it sound like she picked up the tab
Burnside McDonnough: employee appreciation fund i think it was called
Burnside McDonnough: $40 per employee for the year
Zach Pennefold: see, that's cool
Burnside McDonnough: she was always cheap with it
Burnside McDonnough: cause she wanted to be a good employee and keep the expenses low
Zach Pennefold: right. and witholding $40 a year is going to do that
Burnside McDonnough: she would spend too, for herself when traveling
Burnside McDonnough: but fuck if she didn't pour over our expense reports and question us on why we spent so much for dinner
Burnside McDonnough: the first time i traveled with her
Burnside McDonnough: we went to some streakhouse
Burnside McDonnough: $160 before tip for the two of us
Burnside McDonnough: it was weird
Burnside McDonnough: like some kinda date
Burnside McDonnough: and she acted all surprised
Burnside McDonnough: the fuckin martini(s) she was drinking was $11 per
Burnside McDonnough: i at least picked a nice red by the glass for $8
Burnside McDonnough: anyway, she did it again, the very next night
Burnside McDonnough: in the hotel restaruant
Burnside McDonnough: in the RITZ CARLTON
Burnside McDonnough: we stayed there cause we got like half off
Burnside McDonnough: that was, btw, one of the best meals ever
Burnside McDonnough: i forgot the name, but it was a phenomenal shiraz
Burnside McDonnough: with a bone in ribeye au poire
Burnside McDonnough: and this mashed potato creation, which inlcluded sour cream somehow injected
Burnside McDonnough: oh man
Burnside McDonnough: and the creamed spinach au gratin
Burnside McDonnough: oh man
Burnside McDonnough: OH MAN
Burnside McDonnough: i am hungry
Zach Pennefold: you're dying, aren't you
Burnside McDonnough: yes
Zach Pennefold: you can taste it again
Burnside McDonnough: mouth watering
Burnside McDonnough: YES
Burnside McDonnough: I CAN
Burnside McDonnough: the ribeye just melted
Burnside McDonnough: i mean, i cut it with my FORK
Burnside McDonnough: for desert
Burnside McDonnough: a very nice seasonal berries over HOMEMADE vanilla ice cream and topped with grand marnier
Burnside McDonnough: accompanied by a cappucino with a snicker of bailey's added
Burnside McDonnough: i love that desert, several restaurants do it
Burnside McDonnough: for starter was an onion soup
Burnside McDonnough: with a wedge of cheese
Zach Pennefold: Are you masturbating?
Zach Pennefold: because that would be weird
4 things to do before you move
Burnside McDonnough: i have applied for some position at Google
Burnside McDonnough: there online application has some interesting questions
Zach Pennefold: like how to spell "their"?
Burnside McDonnough: fuck you
Zach Pennefold: What kind of questions?
Burnside McDonnough: have you set/broken an records...local, state, global
Zach Pennefold: wow. have you broken any records? that's odd
Burnside McDonnough: i thought so
Burnside McDonnough: formed any social or recreational groups?
Burnside McDonnough: established a side, non-tech job that turned a profit
Burnside McDonnough: you should go apply to something, just for the hell of it and
to get your resume in there
Zach Pennefold: damn. I probably should
Zach Pennefold: but then what if they call?
Burnside McDonnough: go with it
Zach Pennefold: "Oh. It was a lark. Sorry for your trouble"
Burnside McDonnough: if they offered you a gig you wanted
Burnside McDonnough: with good pay
Burnside McDonnough: and moved you
Burnside McDonnough: you wouldn't go work for google
Burnside McDonnough: GOOGLE!?!?!?
Zach Pennefold: my wife won't leave
Zach Pennefold: so they would have to pay me enough to keep two mortgages
Burnside McDonnough: how does it feel to realize you are to remain and live in
the same town till she or you die
Zach Pennefold: it feels fine. I like it here
Burnside McDonnough: but still, like some form of jail
Burnside McDonnough: like, the option is not there to leave
Zach Pennefold: OH! if her friends die, she'd probably be willing to move
Burnside McDonnough: there you go
Zach Pennefold: Moving checklist:
Zach Pennefold: 1) Buy boxes
2) Kill wife's friends
3) Wait through grieving period / provide comfort
4) Place deposit on moving truck
Burnside McDonnough: there online application has some interesting questions
Zach Pennefold: like how to spell "their"?
Burnside McDonnough: fuck you
Zach Pennefold: What kind of questions?
Burnside McDonnough: have you set/broken an records...local, state, global
Zach Pennefold: wow. have you broken any records? that's odd
Burnside McDonnough: i thought so
Burnside McDonnough: formed any social or recreational groups?
Burnside McDonnough: established a side, non-tech job that turned a profit
Burnside McDonnough: you should go apply to something, just for the hell of it and
to get your resume in there
Zach Pennefold: damn. I probably should
Zach Pennefold: but then what if they call?
Burnside McDonnough: go with it
Zach Pennefold: "Oh. It was a lark. Sorry for your trouble"
Burnside McDonnough: if they offered you a gig you wanted
Burnside McDonnough: with good pay
Burnside McDonnough: and moved you
Burnside McDonnough: you wouldn't go work for google
Burnside McDonnough: GOOGLE!?!?!?
Zach Pennefold: my wife won't leave
Zach Pennefold: so they would have to pay me enough to keep two mortgages
Burnside McDonnough: how does it feel to realize you are to remain and live in
the same town till she or you die
Zach Pennefold: it feels fine. I like it here
Burnside McDonnough: but still, like some form of jail
Burnside McDonnough: like, the option is not there to leave
Zach Pennefold: OH! if her friends die, she'd probably be willing to move
Burnside McDonnough: there you go
Zach Pennefold: Moving checklist:
Zach Pennefold: 1) Buy boxes
2) Kill wife's friends
3) Wait through grieving period / provide comfort
4) Place deposit on moving truck
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Muff
Burnside McDonnough: i need to strike oil or somethin man
Zach Pennefold: Start whoring yourself on Saturdays
Burnside McDonnough: i wish i could
Burnside McDonnough: all i would get are district attorney's with fat fetishes
Burnside McDonnough: now, if i could collect the "ignored desperate housewife" market, then i would consider
Zach Pennefold: they're not as hot in real life
Zach Pennefold: This also gets back to your pool business dream
Burnside McDonnough: correct, but hot is not a requisite, per se
Burnside McDonnough: clean and smelling nice, under 200 lbs
Burnside McDonnough: we are talkin about gettin paid
Burnside McDonnough: not so much social conquests
Zach Pennefold: ah, right
Zach Pennefold: the difference between desirable
Zach Pennefold: and bearable
Burnside McDonnough: YES
Burnside McDonnough: maybe that is how i would charge
Burnside McDonnough: some per lb matrix
Burnside McDonnough: $100/hr service fee
Burnside McDonnough: an additonal $1 per lb between 150 and 175, $5 per lb between 176 and 185, $10 per lb up to 200 and call for rates for 200lb +
Zach Pennefold: "Let me consult my spreadsheet Ms....Smith? Yes. Now you're...what....180? 185? Right. So cross-referencing with 'scraggly headed'....we get....Ah. Here we go."
Burnside McDonnough: SCRAGGLY HEADED
Burnside McDonnough: is exactly what i was thinking
Zach Pennefold: well, she's a busy woman
Burnside McDonnough: a height cross reference as well
Burnside McDonnough: with smoker, non-smoker, pet owner, crazy level factor between 1 and 10
Burnside McDonnough: oh, and MANICURED, SHAVED, NOT SHAVED, NOT SHAVED ANYWHERE
Zach Pennefold: with an addendum for "MUFF"
Burnside McDonnough: MUFF!?!?!?!!?
Burnside McDonnough: wtf?
Zach Pennefold: It's from the 70's
Burnside McDonnough: mrs. newton? you are 166, 5 foot 2, you rate yourself a 5 on the crazy level which means you are a 7.3...okay..let me see...that will be $186 for the hour but you do get a 10% discount for manicured...you know, you can save an extra 10% if you go for clean shaven
Burnside McDonnough: oh...i am sorry..i misunderstood...well...that will actually be a 25% surcharge for MUFF
Zach Pennefold: "Oh. Perhaps I wasn't clear. If you want ME to take care of the 'clean shaven' FOR you, then there will be an additional service fee. $180. Yes. Oh, goodness. I didn't realize. That's an additional $75 for MUFF."
Burnside McDonnough: HORRIBLE WE ARE
Burnside McDonnough: fucked in the head
Zach Pennefold: totally
Zach Pennefold: I blame the media
Zach Pennefold: Start whoring yourself on Saturdays
Burnside McDonnough: i wish i could
Burnside McDonnough: all i would get are district attorney's with fat fetishes
Burnside McDonnough: now, if i could collect the "ignored desperate housewife" market, then i would consider
Zach Pennefold: they're not as hot in real life
Zach Pennefold: This also gets back to your pool business dream
Burnside McDonnough: correct, but hot is not a requisite, per se
Burnside McDonnough: clean and smelling nice, under 200 lbs
Burnside McDonnough: we are talkin about gettin paid
Burnside McDonnough: not so much social conquests
Zach Pennefold: ah, right
Zach Pennefold: the difference between desirable
Zach Pennefold: and bearable
Burnside McDonnough: YES
Burnside McDonnough: maybe that is how i would charge
Burnside McDonnough: some per lb matrix
Burnside McDonnough: $100/hr service fee
Burnside McDonnough: an additonal $1 per lb between 150 and 175, $5 per lb between 176 and 185, $10 per lb up to 200 and call for rates for 200lb +
Zach Pennefold: "Let me consult my spreadsheet Ms....Smith? Yes. Now you're...what....180? 185? Right. So cross-referencing with 'scraggly headed'....we get....Ah. Here we go."
Burnside McDonnough: SCRAGGLY HEADED
Burnside McDonnough: is exactly what i was thinking
Zach Pennefold: well, she's a busy woman
Burnside McDonnough: a height cross reference as well
Burnside McDonnough: with smoker, non-smoker, pet owner, crazy level factor between 1 and 10
Burnside McDonnough: oh, and MANICURED, SHAVED, NOT SHAVED, NOT SHAVED ANYWHERE
Zach Pennefold: with an addendum for "MUFF"
Burnside McDonnough: MUFF!?!?!?!!?
Burnside McDonnough: wtf?
Zach Pennefold: It's from the 70's
Burnside McDonnough: mrs. newton? you are 166, 5 foot 2, you rate yourself a 5 on the crazy level which means you are a 7.3...okay..let me see...that will be $186 for the hour but you do get a 10% discount for manicured...you know, you can save an extra 10% if you go for clean shaven
Burnside McDonnough: oh...i am sorry..i misunderstood...well...that will actually be a 25% surcharge for MUFF
Zach Pennefold: "Oh. Perhaps I wasn't clear. If you want ME to take care of the 'clean shaven' FOR you, then there will be an additional service fee. $180. Yes. Oh, goodness. I didn't realize. That's an additional $75 for MUFF."
Burnside McDonnough: HORRIBLE WE ARE
Burnside McDonnough: fucked in the head
Zach Pennefold: totally
Zach Pennefold: I blame the media
Friday, April 13, 2007
Ability to speak whale
Burnside McDonnough: Halifax is still looking for a marketing director
Burnside McDonnough: Something has to be wrong over there
Zach Pennefold: Daytona is sinking into the Atlantic
Zach Pennefold: That would be awesome, if you went to interview and there was four inches of standing sea water in the conference room.
Burnside McDonnough: "Excuse, what is that wa..."
Burnside McDonnough: "Oh, that's nothing...we are putting in an aquarium"
Zach Pennefold: They guy's all, "Sorry about the mess. We've got a new bilge pump on back order. Coffee? Soda?"
Burnside McDonnough: "We are very excited about it; Sea World is gonna loan us some star fish"
Zach Pennefold: "Do you enjoy fish, Mr. McDonnough?"
Zach Pennefold: "Because really, that's our first requirement for the job. Must love fish."
Zach Pennefold: We should write up these job descriptions and requirements.
Burnside McDonnough: Seeking marketing director with background in hospital services...scuba diving and dolphin training optional
Zach Pennefold: --5 years marketing and PR experience, preferrably in the healthcare or marine supply industries
--Advanced SCUBA Diver certification
--Must love fish
Burnside McDonnough: Fascination with sea creatures desired, ability to speak whale preferred.
Burnside McDonnough: Mr. McDonnough, it says here you are fluent in whale...could you briefly demonstrate?
Burnside McDonnough: Sure, Mr. Smith....wwrrrrraaaahhhhhhnnneerrrrrrrrrrrrr
Zach Pennefold: "Uh...yes. baaaaaooooooooohhhhhhhhhh. BAAAAAAaaaaaaooooohhhhh...."
Burnside McDonnough: WWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAARRRRRPHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Burnside McDonnough: Frrpppp frppppp geershhh nnnnnnneeeeeeeee
Zach Pennefold: "That's excellent, Mr. McDonnough. But we were looking for something more in the Gray or Sperm family. I agree you've got Blue down. Very impressive."
Zach Pennefold: "Oh. I uh...I can do Gray. My mother spoke Gray. Hold on...."
Burnside McDonnough: Oh, you would like gray...well, HHHHHEEEEEEEEERRRPPPPPPPP app app
Zach Pennefold: ch-ch-ch-ch-seeeeeeeeeeeeeee-uuuuuuuhhhhhh
Zach Pennefold: Damn. I gotta go to a meeting.
Burnside McDonnough: Walk in and start off with whale.
Zach Pennefold: "Hi. RRRRrrrrrroooooooooooooooorrrrmmmmmmmmaaaaah. Shall we get started?"
Burnside McDonnough: Something has to be wrong over there
Zach Pennefold: Daytona is sinking into the Atlantic
Zach Pennefold: That would be awesome, if you went to interview and there was four inches of standing sea water in the conference room.
Burnside McDonnough: "Excuse, what is that wa..."
Burnside McDonnough: "Oh, that's nothing...we are putting in an aquarium"
Zach Pennefold: They guy's all, "Sorry about the mess. We've got a new bilge pump on back order. Coffee? Soda?"
Burnside McDonnough: "We are very excited about it; Sea World is gonna loan us some star fish"
Zach Pennefold: "Do you enjoy fish, Mr. McDonnough?"
Zach Pennefold: "Because really, that's our first requirement for the job. Must love fish."
Zach Pennefold: We should write up these job descriptions and requirements.
Burnside McDonnough: Seeking marketing director with background in hospital services...scuba diving and dolphin training optional
Zach Pennefold: --5 years marketing and PR experience, preferrably in the healthcare or marine supply industries
--Advanced SCUBA Diver certification
--Must love fish
Burnside McDonnough: Fascination with sea creatures desired, ability to speak whale preferred.
Burnside McDonnough: Mr. McDonnough, it says here you are fluent in whale...could you briefly demonstrate?
Burnside McDonnough: Sure, Mr. Smith....wwrrrrraaaahhhhhhnnneerrrrrrrrrrrrr
Zach Pennefold: "Uh...yes. baaaaaooooooooohhhhhhhhhh. BAAAAAAaaaaaaooooohhhhh...."
Burnside McDonnough: WWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAARRRRRPHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Burnside McDonnough: Frrpppp frppppp geershhh nnnnnnneeeeeeeee
Zach Pennefold: "That's excellent, Mr. McDonnough. But we were looking for something more in the Gray or Sperm family. I agree you've got Blue down. Very impressive."
Zach Pennefold: "Oh. I uh...I can do Gray. My mother spoke Gray. Hold on...."
Burnside McDonnough: Oh, you would like gray...well, HHHHHEEEEEEEEERRRPPPPPPPP app app
Zach Pennefold: ch-ch-ch-ch-seeeeeeeeeeeeeee-uuuuuuuhhhhhh
Zach Pennefold: Damn. I gotta go to a meeting.
Burnside McDonnough: Walk in and start off with whale.
Zach Pennefold: "Hi. RRRRrrrrrroooooooooooooooorrrrmmmmmmmmaaaaah. Shall we get started?"
Friday, March 02, 2007
System of State: constitutional hereditary monarchy on a democratic and parliamentary basis
Zach Pennfold: Switzerland accidentally invaded Lichtenstein
Burnside McDonnough: ?
Zach Pennfold: they said they were sorry, though
Zach Pennfold: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070302/ap_on_fe_st/mistaken_invasion
Burnside McDonnough: how do you mistakenly invade
Burnside McDonnough: and switzerland has an army?
Zach Pennfold: they're not well trained
Burnside McDonnough: dude, we could invade Lichtenstein
Burnside McDonnough: 34,000 people and no army
Burnside McDonnough: with my swiss army knife and night vision goggles
Zach Pennfold: that would rock so hard
Burnside McDonnough: AP Report: Burnside McDonnough and Zach Pennefold have successfully invaded Lichtenstein!
Burnside McDonnough: McDonnough said, "it was relatively easy, with my swiss army knife and these here night vision...well, novelty pink floyd sunglasses really...Zach and I marched across the border and broke into the capital building.'
Zach Pennfold: Co-King Pennefold said, "It was weird. We just walked in. People looked at us, sure, but Burnside brought his Swiss Army knife, so no one gave us any sh_t."
Burnside McDonnough: "when the interior ministry dude showed up to work the next day, we sent him out for coffee and donuts...things have been pretty smooth since"
Zach Pennfold: "Any problems? I guess a lack of interns, but we're working on that."
Burnside McDonnough: "the idea? to invade? well, Zach and I were wasting a friday at work when we came across that whole switzerland thing and...well...whammo...i mean, come on, Lichtenstein?....anyway, we're here and i am thinking of revoking sausage fridays as my first act as primary governor supreme"
Burnside McDonnough: "wives? kids? oh no, we are not married....someone on the phone saying she is my wife?....wow, crazy groupies already"
Zach Pennfold: "Someone hears 'King' in front of your name, and they just come out of the woodwork."
Zach Pennfold: "I bet she says there are kids, too...yeah, yeah. I thought so."
Burnside McDonnough: "okay...okay...we need to call off the press conference for our first annual Liechtenstein freedom wet t-shirt sausage swallowing fest"
Zach Pennfold: "Lichtenstein's freedom wet t-shirt sausage swallowing fest?" fuck ALL man
Zach Pennfold: that's the best fest title ever
Burnside McDonnough: ?
Zach Pennfold: they said they were sorry, though
Zach Pennfold: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070302/ap_on_fe_st/mistaken_invasion
Burnside McDonnough: how do you mistakenly invade
Burnside McDonnough: and switzerland has an army?
Zach Pennfold: they're not well trained
Burnside McDonnough: dude, we could invade Lichtenstein
Burnside McDonnough: 34,000 people and no army
Burnside McDonnough: with my swiss army knife and night vision goggles
Zach Pennfold: that would rock so hard
Burnside McDonnough: AP Report: Burnside McDonnough and Zach Pennefold have successfully invaded Lichtenstein!
Burnside McDonnough: McDonnough said, "it was relatively easy, with my swiss army knife and these here night vision...well, novelty pink floyd sunglasses really...Zach and I marched across the border and broke into the capital building.'
Zach Pennfold: Co-King Pennefold said, "It was weird. We just walked in. People looked at us, sure, but Burnside brought his Swiss Army knife, so no one gave us any sh_t."
Burnside McDonnough: "when the interior ministry dude showed up to work the next day, we sent him out for coffee and donuts...things have been pretty smooth since"
Zach Pennfold: "Any problems? I guess a lack of interns, but we're working on that."
Burnside McDonnough: "the idea? to invade? well, Zach and I were wasting a friday at work when we came across that whole switzerland thing and...well...whammo...i mean, come on, Lichtenstein?....anyway, we're here and i am thinking of revoking sausage fridays as my first act as primary governor supreme"
Burnside McDonnough: "wives? kids? oh no, we are not married....someone on the phone saying she is my wife?....wow, crazy groupies already"
Zach Pennfold: "Someone hears 'King' in front of your name, and they just come out of the woodwork."
Zach Pennfold: "I bet she says there are kids, too...yeah, yeah. I thought so."
Burnside McDonnough: "okay...okay...we need to call off the press conference for our first annual Liechtenstein freedom wet t-shirt sausage swallowing fest"
Zach Pennfold: "Lichtenstein's freedom wet t-shirt sausage swallowing fest?" fuck ALL man
Zach Pennfold: that's the best fest title ever
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